Flying with a toddler: flight behavior management
This is naturally the part of traveling with babies that people feel the most nervous about. The reactions we get when we tell people we are flying “en famille” halfway around the world and back again, can be quite astounding. People panic, as if we’d told them our plan was to strap our whole family into chairs lined with red-hot coals while locking ourselves in a room full of angry wasps, snakes, and scorpions.
Long-haul flying with a toddler, especially in the cheap seats (where we most certainly always are), is something people love to complain about. It has taken on a reputation for being unpleasant that we don’t think holds up against reality, but long-haul flying with toddlers can be a fun, rewarding and life-changing experience for you and your little ones and we’re gonna give you some tips to make it a little easier.
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The Big Advantage of Flying with a Toddler
The Big Advantage of Flying with a Toddler
Here’s a thing we all easily forget but could benefit from reminding ourselves of once in a while: Travel broadens the mind. While traveling, you and your children will see things that make you feel uncomfortable, and that your children may have a hard time understanding.
Can you explain why you get to ride in a car with AC, while that family lives in a shack at a traffic junction selling peanuts?
Why do you have one whole suitcase dedicated to “plane snacks” when that guy swiftly moved to sweep your leftovers into a bag as you left the restaurant’s terraced seating?
No one really has the answers to these questions, or you’d hope that no one would ever have to ask them anyway. But seeing these injustices helps open ours and our children’s eyes to the many challenges people face in the world. This helps us stay grateful for every scrap of food, thread of fabric, and day of health that we get to experience together.
When my 3-year-old does ask why these things happen, the best (or easiest…) answer I can give that he can understand is that “We are a very lucky family, and we always try our best”. Then I silently, and very genuinely, thank the universe that I wasn’t born the 8th child of a poverty-stricken family in a desperately corrupt developing nation. At the end of the day, if the thing you’re most nervous about in the next few weeks is a long-haul flight with a toddler, then chances are that your life is pretty amazing already! So, let’s explore how to make your globe-trot as easy on you and your toddler(s) as possible.
Remember: If the thing you are most nervous over in the next few weeks is a long haul flight with a toddler then the chances are your life is pretty amazing already!
Flying with a Toddler is Easier than you Think
Planes and airports are generally much comfier and more accommodating than you may expect.
For example, SQ’s newer 787’s and A380’s are much more comfortable than what I remember flying even just a few years ago.
We were gobsmacked by the size of the SQ Economy cabin coming home from Indonesia recently!
People are also much more understanding and sympathetic to the challenges of flying with babies than you may expect.
Here’s something big to bear in mind, Flying with a toddler will not be as uncomfortable, physically or socially, as you might be anticipating. Use that as a positive mantra whenever nerves come on. Remember, you are probably imagining the very worst-case scenarios you can conjure up. While it’s good to be prepared for tough situations, you wouldn’t plan for worst-case scenarios for a car ride, train ride, or a walk to the park. We’ll show you that there’s no need to suddenly start doing it for air travel.
Managing expectations
When it comes to air travel with toddlers, you and your children’s behavior are constantly and unavoidably subject to the scrutiny and judgment of many, many, people - some of whom you will be sat very close to for anything between 6 - 12, or more, hours. I’d wager that deep down you are most worried about how your children will behave, and how you will manage them for the duration of the flight. Let’s explore what causes these worries.
It is very unnatural for anyone, let alone small children, to sit stationary in a single place for hours on end. Children naturally lack the life experience and self-control that’s needed to deal with such a restrictive set of circumstances.
So, in our ‘worst-case scenario’ flight, we believe our kids are sure to go completely off the wall from the first minute we put them in their seats until the plane finally lands. However, this is not factual or even likely. Try to take a positive, purposeful decision now to move this idea from “Fact” to “Worst-Case Scenario Worrying”.
I’m sure you are familiar with the idea of “plan for the worst and hope for the best”. So what’s the worst? We deal with tantrums and crying and toilet accidents and shouting and defiance from our kids every day anyway and the world keeps turning.
Even the most mudgeonly of curmudgeons will understand that babies and toddlers simply cannot understand the complexity of formal and informal rules that govern human interactions on the scale that airports and long-haul flying with toddlers involves. But they can reasonably expect that YOU will, and that you will do your best to keep your kids happy and calm (as that generally is best for everyone). So, how do you get the best result out of this? Let flight attendants, fellow travelers at your gate, and those in the seats around you, SEE and HEAR you actively and sympathetically managing your children’s behavior in a way that shows consideration and respect for everyone.
Getting Everyone on Your Side
We have had some amazingly lovely moments on flights when our kids have started to “hit the wall”. Friendly passengers bring over little toys, offer to take them for a walk down the aisle, usher us ahead of long queues for toilets – real kindness and support that acknowledges the difficulty of long-haul flying with children without judgment.
That is when you realize that you don’t have a panel of judges around you, you can turn every passenger into a generally supportive team who understand that managing long-haul flights with toddlers is tough, and they’re on your side.
However, if you’ve just sat and watched films while allowing your kids to terrorize the rest of the plane, then the atmosphere will turn cold very quickly.
If other passengers and crew members feel that you have made all your best efforts to keep your kids happy and calm, whilst still respecting others and being considerate, then they’ll be on your side if/when tantrums or crying sessions come along. They will think, “Oh poor parents, they’ve tried so hard, but just think how difficult this must be for the kids... no wonder they are getting antsy after all this time.”
On the other hand, if you have just sat with your headphones on while your kids kick the seat in front and throw food around, then other passengers and crew members will think “Selfish parents, spoiled children... Why do people think it’s ok to go on long-haul flights with toddlers? So inconsiderate... etc. etc.”
Let’s Practice - Real-Life Examples
Example 1: phone volume
What is better? A toddler sat still watching Paw Patrol on a phone, or a toddler shouting and making a fuss? Easy, the quiet toddler watching Paw Patrol.
However, the toddler having the phone volume so loud that people three rows away have to know that Chiccoletta has gone missing, (again!) is a problem that can be avoided. Make sure that you say to your kid (and you can just raise your voice a little here just to make sure the people around you hear) and say “Ok, we just need to turn the volume down a bit because not everyone wants to hear Paw Patrol, ok?”. I promise you that as soon as your fellow travelers hear you trying to control the situation while keeping everyone’s well being in mind, they will breathe a sigh of relief, and they will start to come to your side.
We suspend all screen-time restrictions when long-haul flying as a family, it’s an absolute free for all buffet. We recommend that you download the Netflix app and fill your phone with whatever you know that your kids like to watch.
Example 2: seat kicking
Problem: Your kid is kicking the seat in front. Solution: You say, loudly enough for people around you to hear, “Ok little one, we shouldn’t kick the seat in front of us because someone else is sitting there and they don’t like you kicking them”, or something similar. Again, as the people nearby see and hear you trying to actively balance your child’s needs, and also actively respecting those around you, you will build up sympathy and support that may become very valuable later in the flight.
Example 3: interacting with flight attendants
When interacting with flight attendants, try to make sure your kids say “please” and “thank you” in the cutest possible way. If you or your child is given a toy by the flight attendants, make sure the flight attendant sees you being appreciative, as if they had just given your kid a new bike, a pony, and a space rocket all at once. All of the support and goodwill you can gain from everyone around you will be the bank balance you draw on later in the flight, if and when things get messy!
So, say goodbye to the days of sipping a Bloody Mary and watching a few mindless films. Say hello to the days of keeping an eye on your kids and making fine-line judgments about when to step in, and when to be like Elsa and let it go. It certainly won’t be as easy as when you flew without kids, but it’s totally in your control to make sure it is nothing at all like the nightmare worst-case scenarios that may be plaguing your mind. Give it a go! Try a shorter flight first, a few hours maybe, and get some experience. Focus on keeping everyone on your side and build from there.
It can be done and we are the happy global living family proof of that fact!
About the authors:
Meet “The Heaths”, we are experts in Family travel! (You’ve probably sat next to us on a plane already anyway…) Collectively we have visited 46 Countries and 17 Countries with Children. If we include Individual Cities, Locations, Attractions, and repeat visits with Children there will be over 100, no exaggeration. Follow them on Instagram!
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